


The Tent Scene: Rewritten

by phantom81



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon), Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Briefcase Buddies, First Kiss, Let Sam-I-Am Say Fuck, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Fluff, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers, The I-Am-Am-I's, The Tent Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22161277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantom81/pseuds/phantom81
Summary: sam and guy should have kissed during the tent scene sam and guy should have kissed during the tent scene sam and guy should have kissed during the tent scene sam and guy should have kissed during the tent scene sam and guy should have kissed during the te-
Relationships: Guy Am I & Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 132





	The Tent Scene: Rewritten

**Author's Note:**

> what if we kissed after i told you my mom abandoned me? jkjk..... unless?? 😳 😳

_Sam knocked on the door, his favorite dish in hand_

_Even though Guy’s treehouse was a place he was banned._

_He smiled as wide as he possibly could_

_And tapped his knuckles twice on the wood._

“Guy?” Sam called out, rocking back and forth on his heels in excitement to see his best friend. “I brought you something to eat!” He shouted again, hoping Guy would hear him. He looked down at the plate of green eggs and ham he was carrying, an idea popping into his head. “It’s your favorite!” He was biting his lip now, knowing that he would be able to make Guy go inside and hug each and every one of his family members. Just the thought was making Sam tear up with joy!

“Leave me alone.” A deep voice rang out from inside the treehouse, and Sam could picture Guy all snuzzled up in there without him. His smile slightly dropped, but he wildly gesticulated and stated what he believed to be obvious. 

“Uhh, we _are_ alone.” He would’ve tacked a ‘duh’ onto the end of that, but it seemed to be more in character for Guy than for him. 

“Well, you don’t know the secret handshake, so you’re not allowed in.” Guy grumped grumpily as a mechanical hand reached out to greet Sam at the door. He gave his own intellect a cocky grin, like an inside joke he had with himself. Sam gave a sly ‘mm-hmm’ before completing every move with ease. 

_He did a snap when he should snap,_

_And clapped when he needed to clap._

_Sam was a walking, talking, do-it-all_

_Handshaking genius that would simply enthrall!_

The Christmas lights above the door flashed a kind green as Sam was allowed inside. He took a few tentative steps in, admiring the work that Guy put into something that he now said was mundane. Sam wished he had a treehouse. He would’ve built one with his mom and they would sit up there for hours with her telling stories and Sam listening along with both of his ears open wide. He smiled at the made-up memory, his heart longing for what could’ve been. 

It still hurt. No matter how many times he brushed it off or pushed it down, it tore at him bit by bit. He had always wanted a friend around, and now he had found the perfect one! Guy-Am-I, a stand-up inventor _and_ a spectacular best friend! 

A rogue part of Sam’s mind drifted to how extra-wonderful Guy would be if they were dating, but he would rather let his feelings rot than risk losing his only and bestest friend.

Guy saw the lights flash green from the door and huffed from his sheet tent fortress in the tree. “You botched it before on purpose.” He realized aloud, his scowl lines getting deeper as he remembered the pity in their voices when he told them about his new job in Meepville.

_“A paint watcher… wow… incredible… totally better than creating amazing inventions…”_ Guy filled out the rest of the sentence in his head, his parents’ disappointed voices ringing in his ears: _“amazing inventions that do_ nothing _but blow up.”_

That was the icing on the failure cake. Le creme de la creme, as some would say. But no matter how much Guy thought about being le creme, his wishes all drifted back to his failures. They were like stacks of useless bits and bobs in a never-ending junkyard, looming over him and casting wicked shadows down on him as he tried to escape. He was trapped there, and he couldn’t invent his way out when the toxic thoughts swallowed him whole. 

_There would be no lucky last bruckle to get him out_

_He would only be left with the same tortuous route._

_Guy would keep walking in circles, and there he’d stay._

_Oh, what a life, what a year, what a day!_

Sam hated lying to Guy, he really did, even if it was something as small as purposely messing up a secret handshake to get Guy to see his family. He really wanted to tell him everything: about the real reason he was harboring Mr. Jenkins, his fake identities, his mom’s decision to leave him at an orphanage, and most of all, Sam wanted to share how he felt about Guy. 

He wanted to take on telling the truth, one truth-telling at a time.

“Yep,” The word came out smaller than Sam had expected, but he brightened up the rest of his confession. “I did!” He wished he could take the same amount of pride in botching a handshake as well as being in love with his best friend. What a world it would be if people went around being proud of who they are. Sam imagined things would be better for him. Maybe Guy would feel the same way! Or maybe he would still be hung up on Michellee and too enamored with her to notice Sam’s affections. The latter was all too familiar.

It was too quiet for too long and Sam was starting to get caught up in his thoughts. He needed to say something fast, even if it was a given. 

“I thought it’d be good if you saw your family.” 

Yip knows Sam wished he could see his, even if it was just his mom. He had a million questions to ask her. These self-deprecating gems included queries such as: 

  * _Why did you leave me?_
  * _What did I do wrong?_
  * _Why didn’t you try to find me after all these years?_
  * _Do you still love me?_



Sam knew the realistic answers, of course. 

  * _I left you because you were too much of a burden for me to take care of._
  * _You’re even more clingy and annoying as an adult than when you were a child._
  * _I didn’t want to go searching after what I know would be a disappointment._
  * _Do I_ still _love you? I never loved you in the first place._



The replies he thought to be the most accurate were pushed down over the years. Suppressed until they couldn’t be suppressed any harder. Sam focused his attention back on the leers and various gizmos that Guy had left lying around in his tree mansion.

Sam could nearly hear the exasperated huff that Guy let out as he spoke again. “You thought wrong.” His legs were crossed so his taller form could fit in the sheet tent with a conveniently Sam-shaped space left over. Guy’s arms crossed as well as he looked at the unlit pinwheels attached to the branches. The colors are truly beautiful when you first see them light up. It is as if an entire rainbow was contained in a single tree. Guy remembered being a kid, coming up here every night and admiring the colors. “ _This is one of my greatest inventions!_ ” A younger version of himself had proudly proclaimed as he showed off the treehouse to his family. He used to allow his brothers up here with him, but now it’s just better alone.

“You know, ih-if you want to be alone right now, that’s—” Sam _really_ didn’t want to lie to his best friend again, but he wanted Guy to feel confident in whatever decision he ended up making. It wouldn’t _really_ be fine, not for Sam, and definitely not for Guy. No one truly wants to be alone, no matter how much distance they shove in between themselves and everyone else. It wasn’t fine, but that didn’t stop Sam from saying it was.

Guy’s eyes widened. He had gotten what he thought he wanted. Perfect solitude. It was unbearably lonely. He has pushed so many people away and now there was nothing left but the person he’d wanted to push away most of all. Himself.

Guy wanted to be alone, but he didn’t want to be by himself. Those were two completely different things. He wanted to be alone with someone he cared about— someone who would stick their neck out for him even if it cost them their own happiness, someone who would be his wingman even if every second would hurt. 

He wanted to be alone with Sam.

_And the thought hit Guy quite quickly,_

_Because while his attitude towards Sam was always prickly,_

_The I-Am he knew would always fill his self-esteem to the brim_

_Guy didn’t want to be alone, he wanted to be with him._

“—that’s fine. But I don’t think you do.” Sam read him like an open book. It was honestly kind of scary how much more of Guy that Sam could see just by looking at the surface, or how much more he could hear when only listening to the words. 

Sam made his way up the rope, laughing to himself about how funny it all was. “You can invent an elevator and a security system, but you still got a rope ladder.” The plate of green eggs and ham was balanced carefully in his other hand while he used only one to pull himself up. There’s a definite bright side to having a criminal background, and that was getting ripped as hell. 

It was nearly pitch black, so Sam was cautious when laying the tray down on the ground. He squinted to try and see any detail he could, but his surroundings remained unviewable. “Kinda dark up here, don’t you think?” He joked, searching where Guy’s voice was coming from when he spoke.

“The lights are powered by pinwheel.” 

Sam gasped. “Pinwheel?” Guy really was incredible. Pinwheel-powered lights? He was more like him than Sam had previously thought. He spotted a shape in the darkness and plucked it off of the tree, letting out a breath. 

The pinwheel lit up as it spun, revealing a bright, beautiful blue. There was a second that showed a gorgeous orange. A third was a striking lime green. There were purples and yellows and colors Sam couldn’t even put a name to but were amazing, nonetheless. 

_For once in his life, Sam moved his mouth but couldn’t speak._

_He wanted to keep this forever; therefore, his secrets would never leak._

_He wouldn’t tell Guy, and they’d live just like this,_

_With green eggs and ham and a touch of domestic bliss._

“Guy, this is wonderful!” He exclaimed, finding his voice again. With renewed vigor to cheer up his best friend, he marched over with the dish in hand. “I love—” Sam wanted to say ‘you,’ but remembered that he wanted to keep things like this for a bit longer before he inevitably got rejected. “—a good sheet tent!” 

Sam let himself in, basking in the cozy atmosphere as he let the harmless lie continue. “Back when I was a kid, I built one with my mom.” He sighed wishfully. _If only_. “Yeah, we…” It was getting harder to make up stories about her. Sam was too attached to Guy already. This is why he never had a partner in crime! He would get too caught up in the ‘partner’ bit of it and everything would go south. “...we’d snuzzle up tight and she’d make shadow puppets on the wall.” He attempted to make a Chickeraffe with his hand and smiled when it came to life. Sam wanted to avoid looking at Guy for as long as possible, knowing he would cave once he saw the sadness etched into his features.

“Sounds like an amazing family.”

“Just like yours.” Sam said softly, silently debating whether or not to reach a hand out to rest on Guy’s shoulder. Solely for comfort, of course.

“They’re amazing, all right. That’s the problem.” Guy said grimly, resting his head in his hands. Sam couldn’t see how it was a problem. Guy fit in perfectly, albeit he was a bit rough around the edges, but it was to be expected when he hadn’t seen them for a long time. They were all incredible, just like Guy was. Sam couldn’t fathom why Guy thought he stuck out like a sore thumb among other incredibly talented people. He wanted to tell Guy how amazing he was and how much his family loved him— because Sam could tell that they loved him, it was as obvious to him as a good plate of green eggs and ham.

“They’re…” Guy struggled to find the right words while there were so many clawing their way up his throat. Insults and bitter sentiments towards his family that he knew he didn’t mean but wanted to say anyways. “They’re all huge successes, and the only thing I’ve ever succeeded at is failure.” 

Sam didn’t know what to say. While it was true that Guy had the genius of an incredible inventor, his creations only blew up in his face. He decided not to tell Guy that he was a successful inventor because it simply wasn’t true. Not yet, at least! Sam knew he could help him pursue his inventing dreams! They could run off to East Flurbia together, so somewhere else far away, where no one knew them! Guy could gain more confidence in his inventions with Sam’s help and they could settle down and not have to worry about rescuing any more Chickeraffe’s or working that one last job.

Sam-I-Am decided not to lie to Guy-Am-I for the second time that evening.

“At least you’re the best at something, right?” He desperately wanted to sound like himself right now. Normally he wouldn’t be thinking about settling down or being all domestic, so he briefly put that aside to finish the conversation and cheer up his best friend.

You heard how they are with me,” Guy sulked, sinking deeper into his self-constructed pit of despair. “all the phony flattery.” All of the overdramatic shock when he gave up on what he was clearly failing at. All of the sad looks when he stormed out of the dining room. All of the kind people that were forced to take care of his mess. “What they really mean is I’m a disappointment. Always have been.”

_Sam’s eyes bulged out of his head with shock!_

_He had to think quick to get them out of this deadlock._

_He didn’t know Guy had interpreted his family’s worry_

_As telling him to “get out,” “go away,” or “scurry.”_

“That’s not true.” Sam rested a hand on Guy’s knee, looking at him with wide, shiny eyes. If he could see how much Guy’s family loved him, why couldn’t Guy himself? They doted over him and cared about his well-being and wanted him to be happy. They didn’t want to see him give up on his dreams, and neither did Sam! It looked like Sam is family as well.

“You don’t have to say that.” He said, his own hand resting on Sam’s. The smaller of the two felt the beginnings of a grin surfacing and stuffed it down to remain in an appropriate mood for the topic at hand. He let a little bit of his smile slip through while reassuring Guy that he meant every word.

“You never disappointed them.” Sam thought of the right words to say, a pattern of sounds so convincing that Guy would have no choice but to be won over by his persuasive powers and come inside with him. “They’re just a little sad to see you give up, because they know how great and creative you are, and they hate to see you throw that away.” Sam saw a sliver of a smile peek out of Guy’s mouth and felt brave enough to rest his other hand on his shoulder. He looked at Guy while unshed tears burned painfully behind his eyes. 

“They love you Guy.” 

_The words sounded so clean and sincere_

_Guy felt like he had nothing to fear._

_There was one last thing he didn’t understand, though:_

“How could you possibly know?” His voice was small but there was a hint of anger behind it and neither of them quite understood why it was there or where it came from. “How do you know they love me? Can— can you sense it? Is it some sort of special power— like your unbelievable and frankly _unfair_ amount of luck?” 

Sam couldn’t respond. Well, it wasn’t like he _couldn’t_ respond, or he didn’t know the answer, but rather he couldn’t tell Guy the answer. Who knew that love could be so terrifying?

“Or— or is it just a _normal_ thing to know and I’m a huge yipping _fool_ for not realizing it?!” He got louder as he continued, not knowing why there was a hot bubble of rage stuck in his throat but adding more air to it, nonetheless. Sam placed a reassuring hand on Guy’s knee again to keep him from standing up and wrecking the sheet tent.

_Okay, Sam. You can do this! You can talk to Guy! You can do it, yes you can! You… you can’t lie anymore, though. Lying is off the table for now, so you gotta think of some new and exciting way to deal with your problems. Maybe try confronting them for once? No, can’t do that. It’s not like I can just release all tension and stress from my body and blurt out:_

“I can tell when someone loves you because I love you too!”

_Fuck. I said that out loud, didn’t I?_

_There was a strange beat of silence before either spoke._

_They were both afraid that their friendship had broke._

_Sam wanted to elaborate, to flesh out what he’d said,_

_But he couldn’t think of what to say, his confidence was dead._

“I— I didn’t mean— well, of course I meant it, but I didn’t want it to come out like— like _that_.” Sam sputtered, but finding the right thing to say was like grasping for straws. Guy was thoroughly shocked. Sam was the first real friend he’d ever had, and he had assumed that all of the hugs and snuzzles were just how Sam showed affection. But he had been _in love_ with Guy, possibly this entire time? 

“You… you love _me_?” He gasped, realizing the perfect timing of Sam’s confession. He had just realized that he wanted nothing more than a life with him, and here’s good-old Sam-I-Am walking up to him and saying he’s in love with poor old Guy-Am-I.

“I— I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you, I just said it and now I feel ridiculous.” Sam sulked, fearing that he would forever lose the friendship he had with Guy. All of the sweetness that came out of their relationship would become bitter as Sam doted on the memories, like the reverse of putting cream and sugar into a warm cup of black coffee. And he would be far, far away from Meepville and even farther away from the man he loved. He felt the stinging behind his eyes again and wanted so desperately to cry without feeling like even more of a fool.

“No, Sam,” Guy’s voice was comforting as he scooted closer to him. There was suddenly a hand on Sam’s shoulder that was rubbing soothing circles into his fur and he felt like maybe it would be alright if he cried. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

He thought of what to say next. He knew that Sam loved him, but he wasn’t sure if he would interpret Guy’s own confession as one of guilt or as one of true, unbridled affection. Sam could see him zoning out, but he leaned into the comforting presence of Guy as he collected his thoughts. 

Right now, Guy was sorting through words like they were in filing cabinets. He stayed away from the one marked swears— and honestly had been staying away from that one since his rebellious phase in high school. He was in the process of setting up a new cabinet, one specifically for telling Sam how much he appreciates him. 

_Guy was lost in his own mind, busy sorting words,_

_Grouping the best ones together and throwing out the turds._

_The list of words left to categorize was shrinking,_

_But all the knox could say was:_

“Sorry, Sam, I’m still thinking.” 

Sam gave him a soft smile, absentmindedly playing with the fur on Guy’s neck. It was softer than it looks, and he adored that it was the perfect height for him to shove his face into when they hugged. He loved the permanent scowl lines on Guy’s face and the flop in his hat and every single imperfection he could find on him. Sam was hat over heels in love with Guy and he would gladly wait a lifetime to hear his answer. 

Even after all of his meticulous word sorting, Guy decided to keep it short and simple. He sighed and looked Sam in the eyes, trying his best not to get lost in them. His train of thought slowed down, and he said: “You don’t need to apologize. I love you too, Sam.”

_For the worst Sam was bracing,_

_And his little who heart was racing._

_But instead of doting on Guy’s kind phrase_

_He wondered if they loved each other in the same ways._

He was terrified that Guy took it the wrong way. He wasn’t just in love with Guy, he was in _love_ love— the kind of love that makes little kids snicker and mock each other. He just wanted to know for sure that Guy was romantically interested in him as well. 

“No, Guy, I _do_ need to apologize! I don’t…”

Sam went uncharacteristically quiet for a few moments. He needed to apologize for so much— all the lies he’s told to Guy clouded his mind and made his vision blurry. No, wait, he was about to cry again. The knox held him tight as he buried his face into his fur. There were so many things Sam wanted to tell him, but he couldn’t risk losing him now. Guy _loved_ him, and no matter which way he did, it would be more than enough for Sam. 

“I love you… a lot…” Guy smiled softly, a stark contrast to his usually grumpy expression. Sam loved it when he smiled. He loved it when _he_ was the one making Guy smile. He loved so many things about him but if he listed them all they would be in this sheet tent for weeks. 

“Then what’s wrong?” He asked, his voice soft and caring and ready to listen to whatever Sam had to say. Unbeknownst to the other, both of them were hoping to come out of this tent as something more than friends. 

“I, uh…” Sam took a moment to choose his words. This entire conversation has been like navigating a minefield, trying not to say the wrong thing lest he be blown sky high. “Promise we’ll still be friends after I say what I’m going to say?” The tears that had been pooling in Sam’s eyes were now soaking into his fur, leaving wet patches on his cheeks. 

“Of course, Sam. Unless you say that you hate me or something.” Sam had been taught that self-deprecating phrases were supposed to be taken as jokes, but he never knew how to interpret it when Guy spoke like this. The smile that followed showed Sam that it was, indeed, a joke, and his mind quieted. 

“I don’t…” 

_Hmm, how should I say this? It’s obvious that saying ‘I don’t think of you as a friend’ isn’t what I’m going for here. Buuut, if I straight up say that I have a romantic interest in him, then he might leave._

Sam was pacing inside his own head, his thoughts centering around his last word. 

_Leave._

_Leave? Like you mom left you? Like Guy will leave you if you tell him the truth about your feelings for him? And the truth about Snerz and the Chickeraffe and how you never meant to save Mr. Jenkins and you’re not a wildlife protector, you’re a criminal. That’s right, Sam. You’re a no-good criminal that can’t handle the thought of being alone even though you annoy everyone around you to no end with your endless problems and questions and pleas for them to try that stupid dish. Green eggs and ham are a breakfast, not to be eaten with every meal! No wonder people give you strange looks in the middle of restaurants when you order the same thing every day. No wonder Guy won’t want to be around you when you tell him the truth. No wonder your_ mom _didn’t want to be around you, you useless piece of s—_

“Sam?” A hand on his shoulder caused his train of thought to screech to a halt. Another hand was on his face now, caressing his cheek and brightening up his dark thoughts. “Hey, Sam…” Guy’s voice was there again, a comforting pillow for him to rest on while he gathered the courage to speak. “You’re alright, I’m right here.” 

_Lies, lies, lies. He’ll leave as soon as he gets the chance._

“Y—” Sam’s voice cracked, and he let out a strained laugh at himself. “You won’t leave me, right?” 

Those big, innocent eyes looked right into Guy’s soul as it screamed with all of its force: ‘No, Sam-I-Am, I won’t leave. I promise. I’m staying right by your side.’

Sam read the message loud and clear and tried to make his heart beat at an acceptable rate. How difficult was it to say, ‘I’m in love with you,’ after all?

_‘Very difficult’ was the answer to Sam’s question._

_He needed the perfect way to word his confession._

_There was no way he could half-ass this,_

_Because if Guy felt the same, Sam might get a kiss!_

Sam was never one for thinking things over. In fact, he preferred to do everything spontaneously. It keeps his life fresh and new and made him unaware of what could come next. The prospect of this terrified Guy for a while, but the longer he spent with Sam, the more he realized that the same monotonous schedule didn’t work for him. Guy knew that a career in paint watching would bore him out of his mind after his adventure with Sam, no matter how much he wanted to give up on his dreams. 

With Sam’s way of thinking, it would be easy to imagine him saying the very first thing that came to his mind. Extremely easy, actually, considering he did just that.

“I know you love me. Well, _duh_ , actually. You just told me that! And I love you too. You’re great! Like, _really_ incredibly amazing. And I like it when I can make you smile and laugh because you don’t smile or laugh that much but it’s extra special when _I’m_ the one making you smile and laugh. Wow, I sure am saying the words ‘smile’ and ‘laugh’ a lot, huh?” Sam paused to take an overdramatic breath, greedily gulping in air before rambling on again. “ _Aaaaanyways_ , I love you too. But, it’s not just a like-love, it’s a like-like-love.” It only took Sam a few moments before his face went red in embarrassment. He was quickly overthinking every word he had just said, and he felt his face get hotter every passing second. “Aw, jeez, I sound like a third grader, with me going _on and on_ about like-liking you…”

Guy couldn’t stop himself from smiling wide enough to show teeth. He had had so much fun adventuring with Sam that he had grown attached to him, even growing to love him in the same way Sam had just described. He didn’t have to use that many words, though. 

“It’s alright Sam,” With three words, Sam’s anxiety dissipated. “I like-like you too.” 

Guy pressed his lips to Sam’s softly. Despite his constant flirting, Sam melted into the kiss. He had never realized how wonderful kissing was until now. He knew it had to be decent— why else would people do it? — but he had no idea that he would feel like this.

There were no intrusive thoughts about the chance of Guy leaving him, there were no regrets about Snerz or the Chickeraffe, there was only an overwhelmingly wonderful sense of belonging. There was something inside of Sam that tugged him towards Guy no matter what. And whether or not Guy chose to admit it, there was something pulling him towards Sam as well. There were countless times when he could have ditched him at a train station or the cabin in favor of Michellee, but he didn’t. No matter how many times Sam annoyed him, Guy stuck by his side. They were partners, through and through, and not wind nor snow nor giant trash pit could separate them.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry it gets a bit repetitive and wonky at the end.. my hyperfixation on this show kinda died down when i started writing the ending.. :(


End file.
